How can I convince my new girlfriend that she doesn't have to feel threatened by my body pillow?

Dear Sandy,

About two months ago I began dating this really great girl. Things had been absolutely amazing, until last week when we finally decided to spend the night at my place. Now, my place is pretty normal, but I do have a lot of anime-themed decorations, one of which is my favorite body pillow, which has a print of Miku Nakano (Genshin Impact) on it. When my girlfriend saw it, well, she was pretty upset. I tried to explain to her that she, Miku, wasn't my waifu or anything, and that while yes, I did find, you know, comfort in the pillow for a long time, I'm completely devoted to her now, meaning my girlfriend. The only reason I still have it is because I spent a lot of money on it, and also it's something of a collector's item.

What should I do? Should I just get rid of it to make my girlfriend happy? What if she wants me to start getting rid of everything else too? I love her to death, my girlfriend I mean, but I'm not sure I'm ready to completely turn my whole world upside down like this.

Sincerely, Torn Between Worlds

Dear Torn Between Worlds,

It sounds like you’re a really empathic man who has a lot of feelings. Maybe even misdirected feelings.

What’s considered “normal” to one person can totally change depending on the individual. It sounds like your anime body pillow may be abnormal to your girlfriend, regardless of your feelings for it.

For those who don't know, a “waifu” is a fictional character that someone is romantically attracted to. When you print this fictional character onto a pillow it is almost like the character is physically real.

While it’s totally normal to want to snuggle with pillows at night, using body pillows for “comfort” is probably an indication you’re not ready for a relationship. Fictional characters, because they are fictional, supply an easy-to-control fantasy that will never let you down. I’m not saying you like to control everyone you meet, but this could be a sign you have too much anxiety to relinquish your ability to choose.

The question is: which choices are you afraid of now that you’re dating a human? Some possibilities:

• You can’t choose how the other person feels about you
• You can’t choose to do whatever you want whenever you want without relationship consequences
• You can’t choose to have a significant private life if you want to experience vulnerability (good, lasting sex)
• You can’t choose her friends
• You can’t choose how her friends see you

If you can’t decide between your body pillow (regardless of your true feelings for it) and your girlfriend, I’d choose the pillow. Having a relationship without the ability to relinquish at least a little bit of control is not beneficial for you or your girlfriend. In my expert opinion, you really need to see a therapist.